Tending the Garden of Our Souls

 Last week I attended a program for survivors of trauma and abuse when I was gently guided in a meditation by a very gifted facilitator. She  invited me to connect to my four-year-old self. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to see what would happen. I saw this precious little girl standing beside the only rose bush that grew against the side of my childhood home.  She was picking off the Japanese beetles that were eating away the single rose. I could feel the prickly sticky legs of the green-headed marauder, and then the therapist said, “Hold her and see how she feels.”

The girl was anxious, wanting to get back to the rose bush and save it from being ravaged by the beetle that was just doing what a beetle does. Already the pattern of codependence was set up.  There I was at such a young age trying to stop the destruction that seemed an inevitable pattern of my family. As though the hunger of my fearful unhappy parents were just doing what they did to survive and the child was the rose. The analogy was daunting.

Tending to the garden of our soul is not something we think about often. But Spirit, in it’s divine wisdom, set up a situation for me to heal the foundation of my roots as well as protect how I bloom.

A few months ago I was getting ready to set course with a production company on a project when Spirit told me, “We want you to heal some of your history.” Hum, well, of course I wondered how that would happen, but our agendas or what we think about how such a thing can transpire is often contrary to what we WANT to have happen. I like to have things be loving and copacetic so that communication can be resolved in a harmonious way. But this time I could not make that happen because Spirit had a different idea.

What transpired was that I ran smack into a situation with people where fear was at the core of every one of our communications. This triggered me the same way it did with my parents and I literally began to do what I did as a child—vomit.

Spirit told me as my head was in the toilet, “You now can see the damage and feel the pattern of abuse; time to heal it. We want you to go to ‘The Meadows.’”

The Meadows on one hand is a place for the rehabilitation of many different addictions, but they also have a workshop that was suggested to me by my therapist friends and colleagues who knew about this place. They all said I must do the “Survivor” program. This weeklong workshop investigates the origins of adult dysfunctional behaviors by exploring early childhood trauma that has led to various addictions, depression, eating disorders and painful relationships. In this revolutionary educational and experiential process, participants learn to identify and address family-related issues that took place from birth to 17 years of age. The primary focus of the workshop is to learn to deal with the emotions that accompany any less-than-nurturing past event, and then to work on resolution of the consequential grief and anguish. 

The Meadows was an oasis of healing. And in the middle of the very powerful program I had a brief experience of connecting to my inner child who knew the beetles would be trouble, but also loved their sticky legs and the beauty of their metallic green heads and shiny copper wings. Their nature is just to survive. My four-year-old now knows the cycle of beetle and flower: in the destruction of each rose, the bush will bloom even more the next year. 

May we all be lucky enough to have the gift of Spirit to help us see the healing and beauty by tending to the garden of our souls.

The Meadows is located in Wickenberg AZ. http://www.themeadows.com/
The Meadows has published this blog on their site.

Response Ability

“The first act of self-responsibility, and the base of all the others, is the act of taking responsibility for being conscious – that is, of bringing an appropriate awareness to our activities.”
-Nathaniel Branden, author of Taking Responsibility

All of us have blamed other people at some point in our lives for something. Unaware of the amount of pain we were in at the time, we chose to blame. 

 I have gone though the  gauntlet of  accepting, and not accepting my share of responsibility for what my life looks like, how I got here, and what I have done. There are always deeper places to probe. It becomes an on going process that is definitely... challenging.

 However I am feeling that there is a climate in our world of more and more complaining, blaming, bitching, worrying, finger pointing and shaming. 

No doubt we’ve been harmed physically or emotionally by the acts of others.Yes others are often to blame for egregious actions. There are laws to protect us from certain behaviors and hold people accountable. Sometimes our upbringing makes us more sensitive to the injustices of harmful behavior. 

One might still cringe when scolded, a trigger to a painful memory of a childhood disciplinary act by a parent. But if there are overwhelming incidents of historic trauma, then it is our duty to ourselves and others to seek out the help of professionals to heal our pain. Because if we don't we will take it out on others.

External circumstances might have put you at a disadvantage, but we have a choice to do something about this.

 It’s called, taking responsibility. 

People make excuses for their behavior instead of looking at their own thoughts and actions. When you fail to accept  responsibility for your actions there are events that follow over time. An unpleasant pattern in your family is because there are years and years of brushing the uncomfortable under the rug, pretending things don't happen, acting like everything is fine-- obviously not taking  responsibility for actions. 

 Excuses are insidious because they become a self-fulfilling prophecy, an excuse we make true. Proving no one understands us, listens to, respects, or loves us. If you blame others, then you are the victim,  –You stay the wounded child, the eternal victim. Therefore, the prophecy is  fulfilled.

Another consequence to not taking responsibly is an exaggerated sense of self that makes it difficult to get along with others.  Because your perception of your importance is exaggerated, your expectation of others is unrealistic and you become impatient, intolerant, and demanding. You will even go out of your way to pull conflict into your life to fuel the drama of the upset. Then the drama becomes so upsetting and distracting which is  another way to deflect  responsibility. 

People who keep making excuses for their behavior are trying to deflect their inadequacies and avoid reality. They don’t see that they are losing the respect and trust of their friends, family, and colleagues. They use their pain and all their good intentions as a way to mask the truth and then ultimately, they only surround themselves with people who support their ideas and put up with their excuses. 

We are afraid of not being enough and when we don't step up to take responsibility we prove we aren't enough. Then  our pain becomes our lives, then we can keep blaming others. Yes, we have all done this.

 “ But, I love you! I am doing everything for you, I work my ass off to help you, I put up with the fact you hurt me 20 years ago, that you were mean to me, that you betrayed me, that you left me. This is your fault! This has nothing to do with me! My pain is because of what you said what you did, to ME!"  

The need for acknowledgement and at the same time using the blame game is a wounded child screaming for help.

It would be nice to be in dialogue with others to work things out. But people who can’t take responsibility for their own behavior are not going to be looking to talk to you, They will avoid you like the plague.  They will hide behind others, money, pain, work, or history in order to feel superior and right in being victimized.

The only way out of this vicious cycle is to be aware of your thoughts and actions and then take responsibility for what you are doing, what you have done, what you've said and not said, accept how your behavior has contributed to the situation and... admit it, come clean and tell the truth. OYE!

The only way to change this is, you must WANT it to change. We must find the ability and the courage to respond differently.

It is amazing when we fess up to our own bad behavior what can happen. If people are willing to change, they will be willing to forgive.  Then fear  can morph, love starts to flow and harmony can be resorted. But it takes work.

Don’t wait for others to change. You face the mirror, you go for help, you seek reflection from people who will help you unwind the craziness. Question your thoughts your actions. Don’t stay stuck in needing to prove you are right, look a certain way, or stay in control.

Unless you seek the help of people who know how to really help you take responsibility, you are just running in circles, feeling exhausted, upset, in pain, frustrated, disappointed and unhappy. What if we all were to do this? What would our world look like?

We all make mistakes. But there is freedom in the truth, confidence in taking action, well being and love, in doing what's right.

In the Blades

This is what I think 2012 is all about. 

Time has sped up. Situations we thought were trivial are now more important than ever. Bodies feel irritated, out of alignment and unsettled. Minds are being yanked around by the emotions of our own lives and the media.

In order to keep up we must shift, change our vibration. The body tells us what is wrong with painful reminders. What must we change to get out of pain? Where do we start and how do we do that?

Responsibility….taking responsibility for what we think, say and do. Blaming someone else can only go so far. What if you chose it to learn? When do you decide that you have learned enough to move on?

We can only change what we acknowledge.

 Do we really want awareness? It’s difficult, it feels like we are going to die, our heart and minds ripped apart with fear when we face our past, and clean up what we can, and embrace the uncertain future.
 We can then transform to something that is more ...fluid.

Consciousness comes with a price. It lives in the bottom of a blender in the blades.

Only those who want to be part of the shift, the awareness, the change, can do something about this.

I watch as people who are vibrant, curious, funny and loving cannot come to terms with their life choices. They hold themselves in the most critical ways, not understanding that they can make different choices. Choices for themselves that very well may have a profound effect on others. But until they do come to the realization, drop the shame and dig in, they will not shift their pain.

Life is filled with all sorts of pain, but there is joy when we are able to pour out of that blender!

Peanut Shells and Novocain

When a deceased loved one wants to communicate, and they are able to break the veil of death to come back and share messages, it is simply one of the most heart warming yet shocking experiences.

It is my job to help facilitate this. Losing someone we love can be the most painful yet transformational experiences of our lives.

Most of the sessions that I do as medium are NOT set up by me, they are facilitated most often by the dead themselves.

When I was back in my hometown and staying at the Bedford Springs Resort, I ran into a group of stunning, fashionably attractive women all walking out to the Tavern for lunch.  I did a double take and recognized a childhood acquaintance I’d not seen in 35 years. Rossanne and I were suprised to see each other.  ‘Please join us” she said. I was simply delighted to be part of their birthday celebration over salad and wine for their friend Beth.

We had a fast meet and greet, and then I tried to explain what I do, the birthday girl said, “ you mean you are a fortune teller?”

 “No.” I said.

 "You mean you read people's minds?”

 “Nope.”

” You mean you can win the lottery ?”

 I laughed. This was way too funny, I usually can explain my work, but these questions just reminded me that not a lot of people will understand. Then I heard the way I hear things, “ Simply tell them you can hear, see and feel dead people, you can see what they want their loved ones to know, you can help facilitate this love that continues”…then they all gasped  and tried  to explain about Marcia who was a little late. Marcia had lost her husband David, to Cancer.  I immediately thought, OK Spirit you have set this up.

Marcia was delightful and beautiful.  We shared a good laugh  about Marcia’s hunting passion, as she whipped out her phone to share some bucolic photos, that included fur and antlers. I left that lunch knowing I might talk to her another time.

We started is FB friends and then one night I felt I had to call her.

 She was  sad, like only those who have lost a spouse can be. A sadness that leaves only when time and experience can find a home for it.

I did not call her to give her information, I did not call her to make her a client, I called because I had to.

I was overcome with emotion, not my emotion, an upset for Marcia that I could not have because I did not know her. It was someone else's emotion.

I tried to fight what was happening but said, “If you want me to explain what I am feeling I will, but I think I have your husband here, do you want to hear this?” she said, "yes".

I am being told that you and your husband buried your dog together -----------

You eat peanuts in the car and throw the shell on the floor. Your  husband is laughing about this,

You have a saying that is important that he made for you on something by the door, ----

You want a pair of boots that you have agonized about whether to get or not---

He loves your blue berry pancakes---

He talks about the mole on your back---

The Novocain strength at work is not right ---

Sell the boat---

And now he shows me is washing his hands in an oval pedestal sink and he says “ that is my handy work”---

Other more intimate details the only they can share, that I will not be able to remember, but it was for them, and Marcia agreed I could share some of this with you.

Love shows up in all different forms.

All of these messages were deeply meaningful and true for her, her husband and now perhaps all of us.

He was a joy, and wouldn’t stop, he kept talking, showing, and loving all at the same time….we were both stunned and crying at the same time. David had released his shell and was still loving her. David had made this all happen, and for a brief moment we were both transported to a place of love, hope and life.

A New Chapter

I share new life with you!