Sunday, August 30, 2009

Symbols of Spirit

On the foggy morning of August 31, 2002 I took a walk in front of this Santa Monica pier and contemplated the marriage vows I would make later that day.
I knew that what I was doing was the right thing. We chose to honor our love in a sacred ceremony in front of family, friends and the Spiritual Hierarchy. I prayed that we might have a decent sunset to support the beauty of our union.
As you can see we got what I prayed for, and then some.

It was a year later after the very distressing death of my husband’s mother, the loss of a dear friendship and a creative blunder forcing us to endure a stressful lawsuit, that I finally..... looked at our wedding photos.

I was overwhelmed by the magnificence and beauty of that sunset, a symbol of all that led up to that moment. A month before the wedding, we sat in a small ashram where I prayed that God might find a way to show me that our marriage was blessed. So I silently prayed that God would drop a flower out of the ceiling in to my hand to let me know that “He” was on board with this decision.

I was surprised that such a thought had entered my head." How strange" I thought to ask for a flower to appear, let alone the grandiose idea, that a flower might be manifested and dropped into my hand as a symbol of support. I shook my head at the silliness of such a notion, just then a lovely woman who sat beside me turned to me, placed a flower in my hand and said,... "You are blessed”…I swooned with this confirmation.

This sunset I took as another of God’s symbols . The breathtaking set design for us to “act out” our lives, but perhaps a foreshadowing of the allegory that would frame the backdrop of our marriage.

In front of God, we were shadowed, locked in an embrace, with a roller coaster, Ferris wheel and set of monkey bars behind us.

I remember we laughed at the roller coaster and on our first anniversary, decided that perhaps getting on that Santa Monica Pier roller coaster might be a fun way to celebrate surviving that first year. I now feel it solidified it as a symbol of our marriage.
Symbols when infused with intent can have power. The notion of taking a constant ride, or the ever ending ups and downs of a roller coaster, might make us want to swing to another playground, and things did roll out, the way it was designed.
Time will heal most anything. I prefer to remember the color, depth and great blessings that accompanied that day and the years that followed even if we now stroll off into our separate sunsets.Better than Scarlet O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind," but similar in her tenaciousness....
I relish the blessings that are Symbols of Spirit.

Monday, August 24, 2009


I have loved therefor I have lived...

I have lost therefor I have learned...

When I pray I expect answers...

The answers may not be the ones I was looking for...

They are answers just the same...

Perhaps we don't always know what is best for us....

It takes a lifetime to learn the difference...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

My Conscious Self

I wanted to be on the president’s fitness club in grade school.

My skinny little arms could not pull me up the chin-up bar, and despite my 100 sit ups, and running faster than any of my classmates,(even the boys), I didn’t get that coveted certificate in Mr. Masterson’s sixth grade class.

Though I am blessed with the genetics of a few good body parts, the rigors and merit of building upper body strength escaped me. Running track, a few years of tennis, dance, and being a two baton twirler, I never had enough definition in my arms to not feel ....akward in a tank top.

I felt self conscious.

Something was missing, and I knew I wanted to pump myself up, but what did I really need to pump up to feel good about me?

I believe that there is something in how we take care of ourselves that defines the consciousness of who we are. There is a statement of well being that a “toned” body says, and perhaps in order to tone, I had to “tune” me. I had to become conscious of myself.

It is hard work building muscles. The effort and the pain that it takes to build something strong takes time and intention. Not a fan of gyms, I wanted the expression of my health to manifest in the physcial, I wanted to see the definition of hard work, health and consciousness.

My focus has been on re-structuring the emotional foundation of my life by repairing the floorboards of a shaky childhood, filling in the cracks of damage and building the muscle of a spiritual practice.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I looked in the mirror of my Tae Kwan do studio yesterday and saw my deltoids, triceps and biceps,defined for the very first time. I thought, is my eyesight getting better, am I standing closer to the mirrors? Maybe my protein shake was helping……

I was amused that after 4 years of the study of martial arts as a way for me to gain more health, strength and focus; I was actually now manifesting the outward expression of the inner dialogue.

These repairs though internal, have begun to bare witness to all my hard work.

I wanted to be strong, I needed to be strong and the juicy plump of the "Mad Men girls” might be appealing to some as a soft place of feminine wiles to escape to or hide behind, but I had to have the fine tuning of the conscious conversation of my life to support my skin.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Notes

It is my form of meditation. I sit in a quiet space with a pad of yellow legal paper, a good flowing pen and I talk to God.

It started in 2001 when I had a very odd accident with my dog, who inadvertently sliced the end of my nose off with his teeth…never feeling it, or seeing how it actually happened, it was in that trauma that something broke open; my willingness to hear from God.

I began to take down the messages and information about all sorts of things. Within months, I received information about the splitting of democracy, the rise of Islamic fundamentalism, and the fall of the eagle . That it would not be the shock of evil that we would remember but the way we as a nation dealt with things afterward. Then 911 happened.

I got information about how L dopamine would assist Parkinson’s patients, and then a few months later a Nobel Prize was given to such research.

I found the notes exciting and terrifying at that same time. I read them to the people who were the closest in my life at the time, I gave them to people who I felt the notes were for.
I was training myself to listen. I am sure that not all dates or things I had dictated to me were not all on point, but it was enough to keep me questioning our connection to God/Spirit and the fact that in these messages could be miracles.

My husband at the time and I went through a painful law suit against a major Hollywood icon and the notes were often contrary to how we wanted things to work out. That is important, in the process of taking dictation, that what we want , may not be in our best interest. So messages that are contrary to the way we live our lives may be important to listen to.

We were waiting for money. The notes predicted a the date of December 17 when it would come, however so much anxiety had transpired that by the time the check did come on December 17, we had lost ….faith?

The notes were there and so was the source to trust it. We were just too caught up in our painful lives to be grateful, it is hard to have faith in troubled times.

But it is in the notes that I get before I work with someone where there is amazing that happens, the gift of information that is so right-on about someone I have never met , know nothing about, that is revealed on a yellow pad. God/Spirit can assist us in our lives and help us is available to all of us, if we take the time to listen.

My notes end up in all sorts of strange places. The point is that they are for someone to read, I have to trust that they will get into the hands of the people they are for.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

God's Personal Guidance System

As I have said many times, I am always surprised at the information that is revealed by Spirit to us.
Sometimes it is because a deceased person needs to communicate with a loved one, other times it is the divine psychic nature of God that calls us to re-connect back to the Source, a place of loving information that is part of our birthright.

Who could have thought GPS might mean God's Personal Guidance System?

The fact that I assist others in hearing the guidance is a vocation that has taken years to embrace. I have had to accept that this happens even if I am at the grocery store, in a cab, 10,000 miles away, or even in my own back yard.

It is my job to help people connect to the source of their divinity and their own intuition.

Of course I have my own struggles and am constantly learning. Every day I am given information that if I choose to listen to, can guide me in my growth too, and through a series of dramatic events, Spirit has made more room in my life so that I can be "on call" for others who want assistance.

This week presented an awakening for a woman who I have shared pleasantries with, never an in-depth conversation about the meaning of the work I do, however there was enough room in my life to see, feel and hear her. GPS offered direction.

Life happens, no one can know what will trigger illumination. The day to day shuffling of children to school, can be interrupted, with something minor, or tragic. We don’t know what is being designed to get our attention.

We never know when we need direction, until it happens.

Today the message for this woman was :

There comes a time in a woman’s life where who she is must be revealed. It is when there is an alignment with the terror of her own wisdom, her truth, and the reminder of a Spiritual contract. It is a window into the depth of her soul.
She is called to listen, pushed to see. She must heed the sacred pull to the force of nature that created her.
How else will she know who she is. She will be shown, led, and if she listens, she has God's Personal Guidance system available in the conscious request of a prayer.
It is in knowing her truth that she will know herself. Her truth will set her free.

It is humbling and magical to know there is a guidance system for us all.