"It's So Ridiculous Now That I'm Dead"

 Mandy sat on my office sofa. I actually thought she might be one of the youngest clients I ever had. Looking no older than 14, her rail thin body was not yet defined by any thought of adult hood. She giggled when I asked her how old she was. I resisted looking shocked when she said, “I’m 22.”

I never know how these sessions start, I don’t have people yelling from beyond the grave HEY THIS IS BILL WHY CANT YOU HEAR ME!?

 Things are reveled in the frequency and way that Spirit has set up. Today her deceased  father came in saying. “I was irritating.”  Mandy agreed.

Her father  revealed to me a bedroom. I drew on my standard yellow pad of paper a  door from the hall entering a small space. Her father impressed in my mind these images. He showed me that he was standing in the bedroom and Mandy’s mother was in the doorway, yelling at him.

Her father then revealed a frame, a huge frame of wood that he had built. At first I thought it was like an over sized frame for a painting, or he was being creative with making a huge frame for the doorway.  Mandy was nodding her head.

Mandy your father is telling me, “ She stood there and just yelled at me, NOW can you see how  ridiculous this was, cause now I am DEAD!”  He  was serious but the irony of the situation was apparently part of his personality. Mandy welled with tears and I asked. "Does this mean something to you?"

She said,“You have drawn my brothers bedroom. My father was building a frame for a murphy bed, my mother was mad at him, they argued, he got sick and died before he finished it.”

Her father was sad, sad that time here on earth was wasted, arguing.

" It's so ridiculous now that I'm dead."

The Bliss of Connection

When Richard Dreyfus’s character had a Close Encounter, his life as he knew it was over.  He was driven to find meaning in what seemed incomprehensible. He spent his waking hours searching for the truth, building something that could satisfy some strange  longing, a need to connect to something unidentified.

He trashed his job, yard, home, kitchen, and family all to make sense of his need. In that moment  (captured by this photo) he recognizes the monstrosity he manifested in the middle of his kitchen existed. That his psychic impressions and fantasies were real. His madness had meaning. His insanity was sane and he could finally lean into the arms of his own truth.

He left what he knew and climbed a mountain to walk hand in hand with those who supported his vision. He found  home with the gentle strangers of an Unidentified Flying Object.

This last weekend at the IV Dreamland festival sponsored by Unknowncountry.com,

I realized that I too had been living my whole life for that connection, searching, yearning and finally present to the love that only being with those on a same journey can provide. 

All of us there, the attendees and presenters knew on some deep level that this was the place we had to be.  These were the people we had to know and this, is what we had to do. Yes there are challenges to be a part of something that on some level has elements of controversy and skepticism, but our attention to shed light on the truth seems more important. This could no more be stopped than banning  stars from beaming light. However in our quest there is pain. It is in facing that pain for our truth that we may find bliss. 

May we all find the courage to do whatever we must for the bliss of the connection.

Gifts for My Soul

The best gifts are the ones that my soul needs, but I don’t think to ask for.

These are the ones that teach me the most about life and beauty.

They surprise me.

I have a visitor that comes with 5 friends.

 He sings to let them know there are fat sunflower seeds hung in the bamboo.

He sings because he can,

because he must

 and....

 because he loves to.

It is his gift of song that makes my day.

Just For the Joy

I decided after training for 5 years in Tae Kwan Do getting my red belt and having a few injuries….I needed a different expression for my body.


My friend Liddee invited me to an evening of dance at the studio where she’d been attending class.

I had tossed out my dance shoes years before, so I make a trip to my local dance store for the suede bottom shoes and crossed my fingers that I might be able to keep up. Funny thing, I had danced for years, in shows, musicals, reviews, because I HAD to, taking class was just to keep myself limber and prepare for another role. This time there would be no show,or job...it would be just for the joy.

Patrick a beautiful African American instructor grabbed me and said," You must take the tango lead from the man." OYE…I had only done choreographed pieces, I never learned to let any man lead anything.

I surrendered, however after about 20 minutes, my brain clicked back on and Patrick said, “NO your brain is back and you don’t move as well.” Good information.

So I  shuffled  off to another instructor Santiago, a good 8 inches shorter, he'd make me dance salsa! He spun me around pushed me up and down and made this 52 year old look like Charo, well sort of.

I was sweaty and sore so I wrapped up my dancing night up in a down coat waiting for the culmination of the evening, a wonderful belly dancing demonstration performance by a young student who had just gotten her masters in psyc from UCLA.

She was lovely and happy, undulating to the beat of Middle Eastern drums, shaking the metal hip trusses in total confidence and mastery. Her beautiful hair whipping, veils waving and her face was beaming. Of course she was 25 and didn’t have much of a belly to dance but I was entranced.Good way to get new business.

So I survived my first two hour belly dancing class.After a long soak in Epsom salts, eating Advil and a ton of water, I've found muscles on hips bones, arms and toes I never knew I had. We were a group of women between 24 and 67 that came to shake, sweat and bond with each other, all faiths and life styles honored and supported. I thoroughly enjoyed the Iranian belly dancing task master who demands perfection from my pecs ...she gets to yell ,she's so good I don’t mind.

I think I'll try swing and might learn to be led, especially if its just for the joy!

Heed the Whispers?

This new Years Eve I was typing the note, “I am always here for you.” I wondered if that was an invitation, or was I being presumptuous that she might need me? Was I just doing my job as a psychic medium, just being a caring person, or was I acting out  the care taking  pattern  of being an alcoholic’s daughter? These are boundary  issues I have had to learn.

I cannot assume that I am needed out side the professional services I offer. BIG LESSON, I do not accost people on the street and give them psychic information. I do not sit beside a man on the air plane and whisper unsolicited information. You would not expect a dentist to lean over and say, “Your breath stinks, let me tell you what that halitosis is about.” I find  information unsolicited, but still given, a boundary issue.

It's become a year of understanding more of these boundaries.

People come to me because I can help them see their lives differently, feel what they cannot feel or sense themselves because they are focused elsewhere. What I have to offer as a psychic medium, are sometimes important directives, about taking one road or another, fixing car parts, health issues and relationship issues. I cannot be attached to whether someone listens or not. I care, but I cannot have any agenda.I must just give the information, whether it is heard and acted upon is not my business.

I had one client call me this year from her hospital bed, saying, “ok I know you are thinking I told you so.” By the time she ended up in the hospital I had forgotten that there was a message saying , if you do not handle this, you will be in the hospital in a month. I cannot remember every thing I tell a client but I knew at the time it was important.

What is our responsibility in hearing information that can help another?

A client who did not take my suggestion a few months ago about the damage that could come to her home if she did not take steps to protect from the water, is now flooded. My celebrity clients who had a clothing store asked me what they should do about their business. I told them that they would let it go, because I saw them losing a great deal of money; they were robbed more than once. An old friend who has had numerous messages given to him not just by me but by his own guidance is faced with devastating health issues. The point is we as adults have choice.

I too have had to learn this in my own life. I’ve been given messages I did not want to heed, the result has changed my life forever. I am not saying that not needing the messages means there is punishment; on the contrary, I feel there are no mistakes. Mistakes happen to show us something even more important.
If we were warned, then it is clear there is a consciousness  inside of us that cares about us and it can be accessed in time to help us. However  if we are given guidance, warned over and over again, and we still choose not to listen, then there is something wrong in the love we have for ourselves.

I have learned more about boundaries and the care I must have for myself. It is true that I am always here if she needs me, but I wait for her to ask and if she does ask for help I will do my best, to be clear compassionate. I have learned that in my personal world, to heed the whispers of the message, and let the rest go.

Gifts From the Spirit

This vintage Christmas card is a beautiful representation of how I believe gifts come.

A heavenly Spirit comes to our home.

She knows what home to visit because she has been with us forever. She was prepared for the journey, coat and satchel, she has made this trip many times.

 Her unconditional loving companion,willing carries the gifts.
It is her delight to bring what is needed, what is important...what will bring joy.

The heavenly Spirit watches, waiting for the right moment.

The moment when we are ready to receive.

I just found something she gave me 10 years ago, tucked inside a folder, a note. Her words could not have come at a better time to remind me that she has always made the trip to bring me what I need, she has always been there.

 She knows what is best for me, despite what I think I want or need, she knows what is better.

She comes all year, but its in the cold when she gets to wear her coat to warm her wings, that she feels I am most receptive.

To Monroe and Beyond : part 2 The Institute

Part 2
I learned about the Monroe Institute from Lieutenant Lyn Buchannan when I trained as a remote viewer back in 1996. It became the holy grail of destinations for me, but every year that I filled out the application, something else would distract me, until last year when I had a phone client from Australia.

Irene wanted to connect with a deceased loved one.We not only talked to her dead husband but her father, who told me what she was wearing on her wrist, ( yes I was in La and she was in Australia) it was starting out as an extraordinary session. Her relatives were very clear and then I was slapped with an image of a man with a mustache. At first he looked like my dad, and then I heard “ Bob Monroe”, So I asked Irene, “Is there any reason Bob Monroe would want to talk to you?” Irene responded, “oh yes I am a trainer for the Monroe Institute Gateways and I am heading up the Australia branch". Irene has been on me ever since to take the introductory Gateway course, now I was itchin’ to go.

The wayshower Bob Monroe

I had a desire to go back home to Pennsylvania, a hankering to research a murder back there, and why not go to Monroe and scratch that persistent itch. I had my intuitive itinerary all set up, after meeting with the Andreason’s I was off to Monroe.

Set in the blue ridge mountains of Virginia, it was the prefect spot for a retreat about consciousness. Eighteen of us from all over the world convened to explore what Bob Monroe has written about in his books, Journeys Out of the Body, Far Journeys, and Ultimate Journey. We woke at daylight, had the choice of having a private morning to ourselves, stimulating yoga class, or hiking around the area. Breakfast with every conceivable need supplied, we started our day getting to know each other. We were a mixed bag of hearts, minds, and souls between 28 and 80 years old.

We'd meet in the pine paneled Nancy Penn Center with facilitators Penny, Bob and Robert. These three were the perfect combination of smarts, experience humor and willingness. They outlined what assignment we were to do and then off to our CHEC Controlled Holistic Environmental Chamber we’d go. The CHEC unit was our personal bed in a wall, where we students put on  head phones, and listen to the Hemispherical Synchronisation (Hemi-Sync) method to affect different altered states of consciousness. We could make it as dark as we wanted with heavy black out curtains. I like comfort, and it was there in every sense of the word within our persona CHEC units. Each exercise began with the same preparatory phase that we are more than our physical bodies and with that said, all of us had unique experiences that we shared after every exercise.

Some of us flew, some had healings, met deceased loved ones, talked to enlightened beings, were given messages, instructions about work, family, some of us had or fears challenged, patterns adjusted, were taken to other planets, had past life regressions, helped souls who were stuck move on, got in touch with loss, love and life in various forms. We changed and hopefully can share this all over the world with you.

Some of my personal experiences along with my  interview with the executive director of TMI, Paul Radamaker will be posted 11/13/10
http://www.unknowncountry.com/

The Monroe Institute web site MonroeInstitute.org.

Irene's Australian TMI web site http://www.meditationretreatsaustralia.com.au/


With a note about the hemi-sync work, there are some people promoting binaural beat methodology in some of their meditations. I feel it is imperative to be careful. Monroe works with programs that have research behind it, so that as student of this brain stimulation you are given proper guidance about this.

Trainers Robert, Penny and Bob, with me in the orange.

To Monroe and Beyond: part 1 The Andreason's

I had a dream to go The Monroe Institute for 15 years. As soon as I made the commitment everything fell into place. I was on a plane to Virginia, but first I had to stop to see friends who I had never met.
Part 1  :  A number of years ago my client and friend Chris, introduced me to a number of  books about the most well known abductee family in the United States;The Andreason's.

 Creepy I thought. Having been personally violated as a child I could not imagine the sheer terror, upset and psychological havoc that an abduction scenario could have on any child or adult. I trusted Chris, so I read the books. I was more than  fascinated.The detail and clarity of their experiences was mesmerizing, but it was the resonance of heart and truth that captivated me. The same feeling that I had  when reading Whitley Strieber’s COMMUNION.

How did these seemingly normal people deal with such adverse and exquisite experiences? Were Becky, her children and grand children all a part of a huge mass experiment, or just the day in a life of some wacky people who had all been brain washed into believing they had these things happen?

Becky, now a few years older than me has been remembering events with the visitors/beings/elders/angels since she was three. These accounts as well as extensive hypnosis and lie detectors tests are all recorded  in Ray Fowlers books. Her childlike voice and years of experiences both terrestrial and extraterrestrial made this woman loving, tolerant, deeply sensitive, highly intuitive and funny, we became phone friends. I incessantly teased her about the visitors, who I called the critters , those who watched her, cared and educated her, until... it got close to me.

It was in one of my sessions with Chris, where the room lit up with bright light, and then I saw a green flash right beside Chris’s head. “whoa did you see that” I yelped. "There was a big green flash of light right beside your head.!!” Chris said “well Becky called me this morning and said, if you are in a session with Marla tonight and you see a flash of light, then you will know the visitors are there”.

 Becky amused simply said,“ Oh Mala (her new England accent flavored my name), they have always been around, you are just now interested” Yes is was a profound thought that these "visitors" could be interacting with everyone. This is a conversation that not many people have over dinner; worth thinking about.
I made sure there was enough aluminium foil  in my pantry to cover my head, just in case.

Becky often gets her own kind of  messages, the kind that a psychic needs sometimes, one sentence messages that were spot on and always helpful in my ever changing life. She has become a dear  friend and now it was time to meet her.

Betty and Becky Andreason, and Bob Luca ( Betty's Husband) met me  in a motel just outside the Roanoke airport. They were perfectly normal, down to earth, smart, well spoken, and no antennas coming out of their heads. Yet their spirits were huge, and the memories of 50 to 60 some years of being with these visitors was just as real to them as you and I remembering birthdays, weddings, the time the roof blew off during a bad storm, except these events were extraordinary. My question was how do they handle it all? That was easily answered by Betty, "its our faith and belief in the Lord that gets us through this" as all three of them so eloquently expressed that during our chat that afternoon. I brought a new finagled audio recorder and put it on the table  in the middle of the room, what was said can be heard on the subscribers section of unknownountry.com starting 11/13/10

http://www.unknowncountry.com/

 Here is just a glimpse  what follows Becky around in her yard.
A photos of a craft. An odd bluish orb with a cross in it. A back yard  of  ectoplasm and light.

 Becky's web site is  http://www.beckyandreasson.com/

My HEREAFTER

The movie HEREAFTER has a resonance of beauty and possibility. What we resonate in our personal consciousness is what we will pull to ourselves; like attracts like. I can only hope that this movie might be a needed a shift in the zeitgeist about psychic mediums.

Even my daily conversation of life after death, has been dramatically affected since seeing the movie.I had just been to The Monroe Institute, where the work we do there is  to explore other levels of consciousness. I had a vision while I was training at TMI that was almost identical to a scene in the movie. I was stunned  and  wondered, what other gifts will this movie deliver?

When I left the theatre, I was sober  to what this work can do, does do and will do for others. It was a humbling experience. I just wanted to call up Clint Eastwood the director and thank him for having the courage to do such a careful smart film. I don’t have Clint’s number.

No matter the strength of my intention, Spirit has “its” own time frame about things, I learned to surrender to this. I am a student of the HEREAFTER.

Two days after seeing the movie I went to Whole Foods, a popular L. A. grocery. I ran smack into Jennifer Lewis a well known terrific African American actress, who has a strong and palpable role in the movie.

I introduced myself having met her before when I was working as an actress, “ Jennifer I just wanted to tell you what a pleasure it was to see you in HEREAFTER, I was deeply moved by your work". I told her how much I appreciated the intelligence and care Eastwood took in addressing this subject, ‘ Oh my thank you so much, God is good”she said, I agreed.  I told her that I had left acting to surrender to the call of being a psychic medium, she was surprised and interested. I suggested that perhaps this movie could help people over come their fears about death and bring a better understanding to the subject, she concurred. I said “Please pass a thank you on to Clint and everyone connected to this movie”. We hugged and wished each other well.

That same night I sat in my writing class heightened with emotion, not knowing if I was sensitive about sharing a chapter in my book, or if I was still feeling the fallout of  the movie. This group of writers was pulled together by my friend Minda Burr a feisty talented motivational speaker/ writer who was pushed to give writers a forum. Minda’s former boyfriend Dan passed from pancreatic cancer just four months ago. She had been a part of his life and death and was simply exhausted, a recent hospital stay flattened her; she asked Spirit for help and direction. She woke, knowing that a writing group is what she was to do, she felt it was divined by Dan. She graciously invited me.

Eight of us were sitting in my office when we all started to talk about Dan Lewk. Minda started to share about the profound relationship that Dan had with Gary a vested screenwriter in the group. Their bond was deeper than even brothers. As Gary was talking about Dan, I felt a deep compassionate love  pass through me and embrace Gary, then the light on the table, right beside Gary went out. Everyone went silent for a few seconds, sensing something special was occurring.

And then Minda said "Wouldn't it be amazing if Danny is actually here listening to this whole conversation?" And I responded " Oh he's here alright." And then Minda said, "DANNY IS THAT YOU??" Then the light on the table jolted and came back on instantaneously! We all looked at each other to make sure we all saw the same thing. We all nervously laughed, but realized we shared one of those WOW moments where everyone in the room sensed his presence. We  knew an extraordinary communication had been given, as well as received.

This brief but powerful part of the HEREAFTER touched us all.

My Intuitive Itinerary

I am traveling, compelled by a force that flooded my heart and head. I have been called to go and ...experience.

This trip was conjured as I lay on my back for two weeks, contemplating how to heal and move through a serious bronchial condition.

I looked at all the emotional triggers for this affliction, and asked, “How am I to breath in this world after having the wind knocked out of me? Help me embrace my new life".

Within three days I was given the vision of my intuitive itinerary. I was shown where I had to go, what I had to do and "told" who I needed to see.

I am going to a place that I have talked about for fifteen years, a place where you are not just your body, where you are eternal and not alone, where they "say" you find other parts of yourself. I have been invited , as student and colleague. All I will have to do is breath the mountain air of Virginia and fly.

The Blue Ridge Mountains are just the beginning. Then onto the back roads of Pennsylvania where it all started for me this "time around".

Like in the first days of school we look to see who has cut their hair, grown taller or curvier.The lines on our faces will prove the many trips we have all taken, but instead of looking for my past I will go there for my future. I am a tourist on a karmic adventure and this is my itinerary.

These are the roots that have supported my growth I relish my investigative spirit as I peel back the layers to find what ever mystery is hidden.

I plan to sit for hours at the local Court House to find answers to burning questions, chat with local artists about their crafts. Relish the new and old with childhood friends, tour the refurbished and perhaps visit places that still haunt me.

I find refuge in the silence of the woods, visit the paths my father and I once traversed together and be the dinner guest for a favorite autumnal tradition of squirrel.

I am on the road looking for the next sign post on my intuitive itinerary.

Finding Grace

I had to find the right resonance, I had to look for the missing pieces. I was shown, the way "Spirit" shows me things, a sports analogy.

I have never been part of a sports team, so I am unfamiliar with all the protocol, but I bet when a pitcher who was in the starting position is replaced in the eighth inning with a rookie, it stings, no matter what the score.

If you are moved out of starting position because the “manager” decided it would be better for the team, you have to find way to deal, accept and handle the managers choice with, ....grace.

The pitcher knows his worth, but the “manager” interceded for what ever reason, so the pitcher with ego bruised has to find resolve in not being able to make things work. He had to surrender to what was best for the team. He walks off the field in trust of the manager.

That is how God is in my life, my general " manager" who knows better than me.

My manager presented a moment to see my life as a holograph. I took the graceful exit out of playing a game. This was a wise choice.

Sometimes we have to trust the force that can see better for us.

I no longer have to worry about making a wrong turn, making a wrong choice.

I trust my team, it is in the trust of my team that grace is found. I feel it in my bones, or at least for the time being I do.

Webster’s says Grace is the capacity to tolerate, accommodate or forgive people. My team is teaching me how to forgive myself.

This is what is amazing about grace..... how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost by now am found, twas blind but now I see.

Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come;'Tis Grace that

brought me safe thus far.....

and Grace will lead me home.

Bloom in Gloom

I’m up at the crack of dawn, before there is any dawn here in Los Angeles.

Our seasonal June Gloom, has moved its way into July and I wish that it could be like this all of the time… I love the Gloom.

It is like the September morning fog of Pennsylvania, that oozes its way down the mountain and settles on the fields. Whispering to pumpkins harvest soon.

It’s the color of Midwestern storms that brew in the afternoon without the fear. There is no pressure, heat or stickiness to spawn a destructive force. Nothing to make me sweat, no veiled threat.

It’s so cool, loving, and quiet. It invigorates me.

I have been writing. If my fingers could do what my brain demands I would have had a shelf of books by now, but instead I was pushed to take my book back and completely re-write what I thought was going to be a nicely wrapped gift for under the tree.

Ho ho no, Spirit has another plan. I am in the delicious mind bending experience of visiting every memory.

What I write gives me the gift of watching my own private movie of life. It FREES me of any shame and pain that comes with the review.

It...no longer defines me, its just ...what happened.

I laugh and cry and do not wonder why, any more.

Releasing the pain, the greasy trauma stuck collecting grime.

In this gloom, things are ready to bloom. I know there will be searing heat in just a few days.

But right now I beam, without sun.

Keepin An Eye On Us

" Image John Montgomery Copyright 2010" www.cropcircleconnector.com

My experience began in the hotel lobby as I was taking notes about what I would say the next day in my talk, when I asked , “what do you want me to tell them?” and I heard , “tell them to LISTEN…”

I was one of the presenters for Dreamland Festival III in Nashville Tennessee. Last year was terrific, but I was a bit out of my mind due to the end of my marriage. This year I was calm and enjoyed the fact I was blessed, healthy, happy and was asked once again to come and do my work.

The trip was easy, I flew with Anne and Whitley Strieber, who are well tuned travelers. We all three scrunch together in a Southwest airline row, passing back and forth interesting things to read, or eat…..(Ok, we break down and share a small bag of Cheetos between us )we do our best to pass the time, even though I am relatively the same size I was 30 years ago, I am sure the seats are smaller the aisle tighter and well, you know, it is just a pain in the ass to find comfort.

Nashville's weather was not nearly as hot as last year, but as we all took a stroll through the Vanderbilt College campus, a place Anne and I enjoy singing old hymns, it was easy to remember how much I appreciate the cool June gloom of Southern Ca.

The Strieber’s are loved and adored, understandably, as they are deeply compassionate leaders in a cutting edge conversation of paranormal experiences. They are prolific writers, founts of knowledge and safe havens for those who are having extraordinary and extraterrestrial experiences. Their web site http://www.unknowncountry.com/ is one of the most popular web casts in the world.

These experiences to most Americans might seem out of the norm, not your typical topic of conversation around the dinner table, but these events for many of those at the festival and for some who are still not ready to talk about their experiences, are as real as us brushing our teeth in the morning.

The other presenters William Henry, Linda Moulton Howe and Jim Mars, are a well educated, and investigative group of intelligent, passionate people who work hard to expose the truth about many of the things that don’t make sense to any of us in the world and then there is me, who does my very best to listen to the information provided for others by Spirit, God, the universe, or as I refer to them lovingly is “THEMS”.

“What else do you want me to say to them”… "Marla tell them, we are with them, we are always providing information to guide and support them”

And then I heard, “YOU LISTEN” and as I tuned in pushed out the rowdy financial planning group at the bar, I realized the piano player in the lobby of my hotel where I was taking down this information was playing the song "God is watching us, God is watching us from distance.." I thought that was a fitting song, so was this the crop circle reported later that day.

Ufton, nr Southam, Warwickshire. Reported 25th June.

CHOOSE

There is a conversation about cancer that I cannot avoid. The scars on my arm, the markers of my lifeguarding years, melanoma their way into my memory bank, as remember my diagnoisis in 96. I still slather sunscreen on and wear long sleeve shirts.

I am like an electrical dryer of emotions, tumbling the different colors of all feelings, what I choose to take out first and fold back into my life is completely up for grabs right now.

My girlfriend is watching her boyfriend die from pancreatic cancer. A vibrant creative loving man who is only 55, trying to stay here, traveling to Mexico for new treatments, flanked by healers and anyone who wants to help. He is fighting for his life, a life not long enough; time wasted in regrets, disapointments are setting in, each day is now precious. His daily thoughts now push through the terror of surrendering his body.

Another friend is leaving her husband. The man after years of producing projects, and telling important stories that touch the world in special ways has chosen a bong and Bordeaux. Abhorrent behavior of childhood wounds, like a cancer has infected their marriage. The self fulfilling prophecy of never being good enough, morphing into mediocrity, numbing his pain, the arrested development of a teenager. He has chosen this, instead of facing his truth and choosing to acknowledge the grip of his concretized ego.

Cancer/illness/loss is an opportunity. When you have it, it makes you fight for your life, when you see it in others it gives you the opportunity to live differently, it is a great equalizer to self pity.

Its how we deal with it that will create our lives,.... or not.

Emotional problems are illnesses too. The crime of what adults do to children is the harsh brutality of the world, even when parents are well meaning, children still suffer. They suffer the unresolved problems of the parents.

When you are a child you CANT choose, but as an adult you have the power TO choose.

These are crucial times of choice. How are we going to live in these extraordinary times?

What are we willing to accept? If I accept behavior that is harmful and dangerous I enable.

I can love but I also have the right to protect myself from other peoples choices.

There is no wrong choice; there are just consequences to our actions.

Choice is a tool in how to create you life.

I am having a hard time being neutral. I tumble with the heat of passion for life and the importance of being here, and I must let go of the notion that not all of us want to stay, and fight. If you don’t say yes to the pain, and choose to numb it, you don’t get the other side of the pain, the joys, the fulfillment, the ecstasy.

I will honor those who are exiting this life, as well as celebrate those who choose to stay and fight.

I choose to stay and see the beauty, live the pain, listen to the messages Spirit sends my way and find the love.

Love Is In The Air

This mother’s day I found myself honoring the day in a very different way. I was alone for the first time in many years to be with the feelings of not being a mother to a child, a cat yes, however not having a human family to celebrate anyone’s mother,I decided to spend the day, the best way I could, ....I worked.

I opened up opportunities for sons and daughters to communicate with their deceased moms.

I never know what will show up in sessions but I could feel that talk and chatter was in the air.

It is in interesting process when I wake knowing that there are loved ones already talking to me about their children.

My cat sitting in the sun let me know what kind of day it would be as he lifted up his head to sniff the air. So happy for a dog to walk by, or a bird to land in the tree, he smelled what he loved. I knew it would be a brilliant day.

I bounced put of bed knowing that my first client was in for a treat. Her mom full of pride and love wanted to chat, but she had to wait the three hours as I started my morning, my electric tooth brush needed charging, the plants a good watering and when I got to my office, more time consuming busyness, vacuuming, opening mail and brewing a cup of coffee kept the dead at bay.

I feel a “push’ that comes before the session, s faint voice saying "I’m ready, where are they??” or I will be shown images by a deceased loved of some urgency in re-directing the daughters driving so she wont be late, helping get a good parking space. Sometimes they will show me how bad a driver their child is, what they were listening to in the car, or who they were talking (illegally) on the cell phone before they get to my office.

Then there are the moments I have cravings that I don’t normally have, cravings that get stronger as the deceased get closer. Ideas of baked beans, cream filled bon bons, even gin can waft through my head before a deceased shows up. Things I would never think of eating are often delights that were consumed and now missed by those on the other side.

In death and in life, love between mothers and children is never really lost.

Finding it and capturing it for brief moments is always in the air.

Sea the Light

For a very long time, I had the idea that I was to shed a big light on darkness.

Like a flood light I would illuminate the shadow. Nothing could be concealed from me.

Where there was murkiness or shame, the hint of unspoken feelings, covert deeds, or perpetrators to be found, I’d pull out my arsenal of Mag lights, handy pointer beams, flood lights and go to work, making sure what was in the shadows, or “who” was the shadow… was visible.

It was very affective. Like a strobe triggered by movement, I could capture the beast that lurked. I would then leave behind a snap shot of the unconscious intruder, a parting reminder I had done my job, but had I?

I did this for clients because they asked for it, friends who yearned for it and then those who didn’t ask for it directly, or even want it, got the glare anyway, because I took my incandescent job like the quest of Joan of Arc.

But  something has changed. I See the Light.

I often would perceive a lighthouse as a symbol of my job of piercing darkness, but today I realized what had eluded me, the true function of a lighthouse.

A tall still structure, emanating light from a source to guide and help navigate those at sea.

It does not seek out, its fundamental nature is to illuminate.

It is up to those who "see "this light to render its meaning.

Captains who have navigated choppy waters are warned of perhaps danger ahead. Seasoned travelers understand they are close to a safe port.
Sailors know there will soon be a warm bed and hot meal. Passengers, weary of the journey will be grateful to anchor once again to the confidence of land.

It is courageous to travel on the sea.

The more one learns to steer ones own ship,understand the maps of the Gods, the better the journey on water.

Those of us who are lighthouses must stand strong and simply, light the way. Or  at least know where the darn flash light is when the lights go out!

A Box of Karmals

For the Weeks leading up to Valentine’s day, you can’t turn a corner without seeing symbols of love. A red rose, sacred to Venus who is the Goddess of Love. Fat little cherubs, ready to strike, sweets and treats….

As Forest Gump would say,"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gona to get,” same with Love.

However, there may just be some Karma set in motion for love to strike.

Cupid, is the winged cherub equipped with bow and arrow which he uses to skewer people into love. The origins of Cupid can be traced back to the days of the Roman Empire.

Cupid is a Roman God, the symbol of passionate love. (He is the son of Venus, who remember is the Goddess of Love.) Cupid fell madly and completely in love with Psyche, whom it happened was a mortal.

This did not please Venus at all. Cupid made his mother jealous, so Venus gave Psyche a particularly hard time, consistently tempting her and driving her off.

Eventually, through a small series of human faults, Psyche was tempted to look into the ‘box of beauty’, (no doubt making poor little Psyche feel insecure) and when she did, she unleashed a deep slumber onto herself. Perhaps not ready to “wake up” she stayed asleep for years.

Cupid, realizing his love was stronger than his mothers wrath, came to Earth and searched the world for Psyche. He found her in her deep sleep. Psyche’s heart was pure and Cupid’s love for her was so strong that he was able to take the sleep from her and place it back into the box.

Then he used an arrow to pierce her heart,( a symbol of female genitalia and awaken her with his arrow, the phallus) a destiny that needed to happen.

Perhaps all the symbols and sweets of this day have deeper meaning than Hallmark could ever give them.

It is a grand day when you can intuit what is in each chocolate.Karmals are my favorite.

If we are honest we can "fall" in love with many, however it is the Psyche when awake, that can truly appreciate Cupids Karmic love and devotion.

Clean Those Filters

There are dozens of filters in our lives. The air filter in the car, the one in the heating and cooling system of the home, the water filter, the lint filter of the dryer,coffee grounds are filtered and most importantly is the filter for our bodies....the liver. These are the traps for the unwanted junk and debris of our lives that when FILTERED keep our lives running smoothly. These filters must be cleaned changed or in some cases, ..replaced.

If we do not take care of all the systems, they wear out or they can even poison us.
The not so easily seen filters of our energetic system are invisible but I can feel them when mucked up, clogged or just plain dirty.

The etheric body captures the negative frequencies we come in contact with. The astral body that is the emotional part of us needs support much like a doppelganger, it is an energetic frequency that is necessary for well being. It needs a good bath, just like the rest of us.

Have you ever felt “slimmed”? The popular Ghost Busters movies had a green flying monster named Slimmer who would when confronted, vomit clear goo. A Trivial piece of info but the context of being slimmed is clear?

I have studied various ideas about how illness gets into the body. What happens to our etheric filters can certainly cause inflammation resulting in probable disease. I know that some who read this might find the idea ridiculous but consider the film that we are covered with after a fire in the area. What happens when a jet dumps its fuel, the radioactive particles left after xrays?

What happens to us when we are vomited on, or immersed in frequencies that are dense and or “slimy”? The definitions of “slime” refer to something disgusting, or offensive in an ingratiating way. Energies can do the same.

Cleaning our filters may be as simple as removing something we eat, breath or the more subtle forms of conversations, places, environments, people and thoughts.

Keeping our filters clean is a daily job.

The Symbols

There are times when we have symbols to remind us that we are not alone.

Symbols to let us know that we are being supported, guided, loved.......

I've had these for years and years.

Do you?

My recent connection is to watched.....a way for eyes to find me.

Do they find you?

They are all around, just pay attention and you will see or feel them.

Her Near Death Experience

Nothing like dying to change ones perspective around the holidays. Here is my friend Maryann's account of her recent "unscheduled" trip.

I was very ill from a bad cold the Thursday a week before Thanksgiving. I had called my doctor for an antibiotic and then called him again to schedule an appointment with him the next day, Friday. My doctor called me at home on Thursday evening and heard that I had some chest congestion and advised that I come in early the next morning so he could examine me and prescribe steroids just to get me through this rough patch. Having been an asthmatic in the past (but having it very well under control of late) I assumed that I might have an uncomfortable night, but would seem him first thing in the morning and get some relief.

After I hung up the phone with him, things went down very, very quickly. My breathing became very labored. I used my rescue inhaler, but that didn't seem to offer any relief.. I knew I was in trouble. I realized I needed help and dialed 911. After I hung up with them, a dear friend called in to see how I was feeling. I told him - barely able to breathe at that point - that I had called an ambulance and he said he'd be right over.

After I hung up with him, I managed somehow to walk from the living room into the dining room to retrieve my purse .my keys, health cards, etc. While walking into the dining room I clearly saw my dead grandparents (who used to live in the apartment below). They were standing in the dining room wearing vintage winter .coats with lamb pelt lapels. I acknowledged them in the same manner I would any real person standing there- for to me they were quite "real." I knew that they were deceased at that point, and that I was in a very serene place - very peaceful.. It was a "sweet surrender." I truly had the feeling that this might be my time to pass, and I was just fine with it... I managed to focus somehow and get down the stairs (I'm sure they must have "helped" in some way). I opened the door to the porch and closed the door behind me so my pet cat wouldn't escape. I vaguely recall opening the front door and waiting for the EMTs. As .I sat down on the sofa on the porch, I know that someone was talking to me, they were sitting next to me. It was a man in a navy blue uniform with dark wavy hair and dark-rimmed glasses. I assumed one of the EMTs had arrived and was administering to me on the porch. But my friend (who arrived at the same time as the ambulance) said the EMTs took me right into the truck and started treatment. Later I realized that this man in the navy uniform may have been my late dad who was a police officer many years ago. I don't recall any of the content of the conversation, but this memory was very clear. I also felt my mom around me as well. I knew that I was in this peaceful place, that I probably was going to pass on, but that everything was perfectly all right. There was nothing to worry about...

I apparently didn't respond well in the ambulance to the asthma treatment, and the EMTs told my friend that my lungs were in a locked spasm and that there was only a 5-7 minute window to get me help, so I was rushed to the ER of a local hospital. Once I reached the ER, I "crashed" - I stopped breathing completely and was sedated, intubated and then put into an induced coma for several days. I don't recall much during this period, obviously, but I do recall hearing someone say "Breeeeeeeethe..." The triage doctor told my sister that my condition was serious and that if I didn't come around soon (since I wasn't responding to treatment) a decision might have to be made. I had just told my sister not too long before this event regarding end-stage care, "You know my adage: Drug me and unplug me." I guess someone was listening. Soon after that, some improvement was noted which was encouraging. I was taken off the ventilator and I started breathing on my own.

I heard from my friend, Dannion Brinkley who told me that he had heard of my situation and had meditated, sending me some healing energy, but kept telling me to "Breathe..." So I guess I must have "heard" him. I also had to laugh because I had received a catalogue in the mail just a day or so before this crisis and I had dog-eared the page which showed a plaque which (unrelated to this medical emergency) said "The only thing you need to do today is breathe." (Quite a cosmic joke).

I was in an amazingly peaceful place, I must say. When I was placed into a regular room, another older woman (around 90 years old) was also brought up into my room from the ICU, apparently. She was stable, her vitals were good and she was talking to her family about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. Somehow, I "knew" that she was going to pass over. About five minutes later, she coded and did pass away.

The other odd thing was that I had made an appointment to see Max, the Crystal Skull for that Sunday - for obvious reasons, I couldn't make the appointment to see him. I have a small collection of my own crystal skulls, but have stored them away since it seemed that every time I would take them out to work with them, I would receive news that someone had passed away.

I didn't know that I'd been put into an induced coma, so all of this came as a great surprise to me... I'm still trying to sort things out and rest and recuperate... Perhaps more information will come to me as to the reason all of this happened. I can only say that it was a very peaceful journey - filled with loving family members who were awaiting my arrival - or who helped to guide me back here. I was ready to go... I guess I have more work to do.... The outpouring of affection and healing thoughts has been astounding. My friend Marla (a gifted and well-known psychic medium) was a great help to me to understand what this odyssey may have been all about. More to come, I'm sure... Thank you for reading this account.... it was quite a ride....

May Maryann's journey give us all pause as we traverse the challanges of being Human.

God's Powerful Process

I’ve always loved storms. To feel safe in the middle of one is about knowing what protects you.

The power of these tubular squalls can be devastating as they rip homes and lives apart, destroying everything in its path.

I once read that a tornado is considered "a process". I believe that Spirit has revealed tornado as a new symbol for me, of a vortex of energy that I have danced with all year and now follows my call when a clearing is necessary.

I have been inside this vortex for 9 months. Now it is time for perhaps the calm and the rebirth of new and fertile ground.

Those who have fanned this wind of mine are not safe from the path destruction. Dented and scraped, I’m sure they pray the worst is over. The fact is, they will never know when the elements of God will produce this …”process” again.

A friend from far away, who is traveling to see me, recently sat with the sorcerers of Jacumba Ca, and drew from their deck of power cards, a tornado, predicting that he would meet his worthy adversary soon.

I soaked in the naked spa of the Korean baths today ready to be scrubbed when I struck up a conversation with a beautiful woman.

We briefly shared our lives, and when I laid out my most recent past, she said “ My God, it’s a tornado" I laughed,... again, a confirmation reiterated from the universe.

The scrubby pads whirled and whirled around my tired epidermis, I emerged glowing, just as a new babe should.

The mighty wind of Spirit clears a path , removing what is necessary for the shamanic cleansing.

I know I am protected, but I also am in awe of the power of God.

"Soul Survivor" Be prepared to be amazed!

Reincarnation , a subject that you may or not be interested in, however when I found the story of a young boy whose night terrors turn out to be memories from a previous life and the loving parents launch an investigative probe into finding the truth, ….my world was rocked.

When hearing of the precious 4 year old child who knew the intricacies of fighter planes, I was drawn into the richness of this unbelievable tale. However, when the opportunity to interview his parents for Unknown country’s Dreamland fell in my lap I was more than moved.

In My opinion this is the most dramatic example of a modern day reincarnation story that could challenge your belief system but also put you in touch with the most loving families and have your heart leap for joy at the culmination of their book “Soul Survivor”.

Whitley Strieber’s interview on Dreamland and my subscriber interview can be heard for the next month on http://www.unknowncountry.com/dreamland/?id=470

The web site for Soul Survivor is http://www.soulsurvivor-book.com/

Enjoy and be prepared to be amazed!!!

They Let Us Know

Animals are God's heart warmers.

They are so very precious and will tell you most often when things are good or not. They let us know that they are happy... if we are happy. They buffer crys, love us unconditionally, and remind us that we too, matter.

A few months ago I was interviewed on George Noory's AM radio program Coast to Coast. George is an avid animal fan, and we both decided that anyone who says they don't like animals, has missed one of the greatest parts of life. My interview turned into a sort of pet psychic program. Which was not what I wanted to talk about, but it was extraordinary none the less.

I realized that people are desperate to understand their animals, communicate with them and want to know that they too have been understood.

I am good in reading dogs and horses, but even though I have had cats most of my life and have had a big yellow tabby as a constant companion for the last 11 years, I just can't seem to "hear them " the same way..... until now..

My cat and I recently moved into our new home. That first day I saw something different in him. An excitement, happiness and grace that he didn't have at the former house.

Even though he had two yards to stalk rats and birds, pee freely and climb trees he seemed to loose the joy of being there. He is older and let me know that he was tired of protecting the huge grounds of my former home. He told me he was relaxed and happy, safe, comfy and If I had just listened to him I too could be the same way.

Here is how he looked the first night in our new home.

I wonder what he has to say next?

If we watch them they will tell us. You don't need to be psychic to see joy.

A Peek at Her Path

I am always moved by how Spirit works. How the universal consciousness and divine birthright of intuition becomes present for others.

I agreed a long time ago to go through an initiative path of transformation, and I was compelled to share it with others. I am no better or more conscious because of my path, however my experience has given me enough confirmation that I feel comfortable aiding and guiding others when needed.

My journey has been assisted by many. Some of my teachers have various academic doctorates, their structure essential to providing scaffolding for me to rebuild myself. Others like me chose the education of life experience and self exploration. There are some who I have met as clients who end up surpassing their own expectations of themselves that inspire me the most.

Stacey, has made choices that show she has invested in love. Love has become her path to understand herself and others. She is at this point, a single mother trying to make sense of raising a son, working in Hollywood, crafting her voice in various forms and expressing who she is in the challenging world of facing authenticity in a sea of illusion. She is the smokeless conscious west coast version of Carrie Bradshaw.

Her gutsy, sensitive dive into her truth is more inspirational than any TV late time drama and sometimes, to her detriment, more tabloid than episodes of the bachelorette, but her journey is the path of many and I encourage you to read her musings and follow her process.

I did not choose motherhood this time around. My “family“is all of you ...and then some. So I am busy with my ever changing relatives. But I look to Stacey as a gauge of a woman of courage and heart who isn’t afraid to live, love and have loss in her life.

She has just refered to me as momma Mia in her blog.

I treasure any reference to having perhaps mirrored to her a healthy aspect of a nurturing woman and I am honored to be a part of her process. How exciting to read about her growth, knowing she is never alone but supported by seen and unseen forces.

I celebrate her voice as a friend and inspiration as she allows us all to take a peek of her path to transformation.

http://www.staceyjwarner.blogspot.com/

Serenity

I have loved therefor I have lived...

I have lost therefor I have learned...

When I pray I expect answers...

The answers may not be the ones I was looking for...

They are answers just the same...

Perhaps we don't always know what is best for us....

It takes a lifetime to learn the difference...

My Conscious Self

I wanted to be on the president’s fitness club in grade school.

My skinny little arms could not pull me up the chin-up bar, and despite my 100 sit ups, and running faster than any of my classmates,(even the boys), I didn’t get that coveted certificate in Mr. Masterson’s sixth grade class.

Though I am blessed with the genetics of a few good body parts, the rigors and merit of building upper body strength escaped me. Running track, a few years of tennis, dance, and being a two baton twirler, I never had enough definition in my arms to not feel ....akward in a tank top.

I felt self conscious.

Something was missing, and I knew I wanted to pump myself up, but what did I really need to pump up to feel good about me?

I believe that there is something in how we take care of ourselves that defines the consciousness of who we are. There is a statement of well being that a “toned” body says, and perhaps in order to tone, I had to “tune” me. I had to become conscious of myself.

It is hard work building muscles. The effort and the pain that it takes to build something strong takes time and intention. Not a fan of gyms, I wanted the expression of my health to manifest in the physcial, I wanted to see the definition of hard work, health and consciousness.

My focus has been on re-structuring the emotional foundation of my life by repairing the floorboards of a shaky childhood, filling in the cracks of damage and building the muscle of a spiritual practice.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I looked in the mirror of my Tae Kwan do studio yesterday and saw my deltoids, triceps and biceps,defined for the very first time. I thought, is my eyesight getting better, am I standing closer to the mirrors? Maybe my protein shake was helping……

I was amused that after 4 years of the study of martial arts as a way for me to gain more health, strength and focus; I was actually now manifesting the outward expression of the inner dialogue.

These repairs though internal, have begun to bare witness to all my hard work.

I wanted to be strong, I needed to be strong and the juicy plump of the "Mad Men girls” might be appealing to some as a soft place of feminine wiles to escape to or hide behind, but I had to have the fine tuning of the conscious conversation of my life to support my skin.

God's Personal Guidance System

As I have said many times, I am always surprised at the information that is revealed by Spirit to us.
Sometimes it is because a deceased person needs to communicate with a loved one, other times it is the divine psychic nature of God that calls us to re-connect back to the Source, a place of loving information that is part of our birthright.

Who could have thought GPS might mean God's Personal Guidance System?

The fact that I assist others in hearing the guidance is a vocation that has taken years to embrace. I have had to accept that this happens even if I am at the grocery store, in a cab, 10,000 miles away, or even in my own back yard.

It is my job to help people connect to the source of their divinity and their own intuition.

Of course I have my own struggles and am constantly learning. Every day I am given information that if I choose to listen to, can guide me in my growth too, and through a series of dramatic events, Spirit has made more room in my life so that I can be "on call" for others who want assistance.

This week presented an awakening for a woman who I have shared pleasantries with, never an in-depth conversation about the meaning of the work I do, however there was enough room in my life to see, feel and hear her. GPS offered direction.

Life happens, no one can know what will trigger illumination. The day to day shuffling of children to school, can be interrupted, with something minor, or tragic. We don’t know what is being designed to get our attention.

We never know when we need direction, until it happens.

Today the message for this woman was :

There comes a time in a woman’s life where who she is must be revealed. It is when there is an alignment with the terror of her own wisdom, her truth, and the reminder of a Spiritual contract. It is a window into the depth of her soul.
She is called to listen, pushed to see. She must heed the sacred pull to the force of nature that created her.
How else will she know who she is. She will be shown, led, and if she listens, she has God's Personal Guidance system available in the conscious request of a prayer.
It is in knowing her truth that she will know herself. Her truth will set her free.

It is humbling and magical to know there is a guidance system for us all.

Don't Forget the View

When on a train we are usually trying to get someplace; a destination that means something.

We are compelled to take that form of transport for a reason, economic, employment, perhaps emotional.

The ride can be filled with curiosity, chatting with fellow travelers, or sequestered into a world of information via news papers, Internet or taken to another time and place through a book.

Some are annoyed at having to take the trip, an impediment to their routine, their expected existence. But life is happening on, and outside that train, it is available if you care to look. It is the world outside, the world that offers more.

Recently I have had a few friends remind me of that. As they mention the view from their personal trains.

Life has pushed them into having to take the train, drive it and get to where they are going.

Pressed inside as their day to day view is either mundane or uncomfortable, they get on a train no foot on the pedal, their life now in the hands of the conductor.

Even if they had an agenda, beside them is another view. If they decide to notice is the glorious scenery.

I am happy to be reminded of this, as I work to get from point A to D. The ride can be inspiring when we don’t forget the view.