Our Internal Defenders

So much for the anti bacteria wipies I use before taking a grocery cart. The cookies and wine I had scarfed down to placate missing my husband who went away for a job, set me up for a fall....wham !

...there I was prone, with only "Rock of Love "and every other insane, inane, reality show to babysit me.

My body went into a fight.

Viruses and bacteria are are considered to be "invaders."
The whole idea of inflammatory response is like a hospital emergency situation. An alarm goes off.

My alarm went off 7 months ago in September of 2008 , when I begged my husband not to take this "job".

I swirled around the house feeling a terrible upset and knowing something was not right, I vehemently fought to say"please don't do this, you don't need it," , but apparently it was what he did "need" and he took the job.

I waited anxiously, not really sure what the horrible feeling was about. Working for others I see, I was too busy to really stop and look at my own life; until the job he was offered commenced in February 2009.

When I was hit with this virus, my system not only was trying to defend a classic strain of germ but my personal life was easily compromised by my husbands weak ego.

As I lay alone under the covers in the dark choking on vile bacteria that tried to prevent me from breathing, I was seeing and feeling tragedy. Within 7 days of my husbands new job, a 22 year old blond virus infected my marriage.

My system knowing I was in trouble not only sent its cell defenders to my aid, but I was given an antidote, ....my intuition.

Days of not being able to speak, was shocking, but apparently I needed to be quiet, I had no choice; I became a voyeur with an opinion.

I could feel, and see the midlife crisis roll out like a twisted Disneyland epic. The singing, the forbidden love the chiseled jaw coming to rescue a 22 year old on a power trip; perhaps a bit of karma from my 30 year ago stupid pursuit of "unavailable" unhappy men, oooh, not pretty.

What I was seeing and feeling was dismissed by the covert heart of my gaslighting husband, but I was not crazy, again, I am psychic, ....and with that I was faced with the possibility of a not so happy ending.

In the darkness of a fight to survive, it is a time to re-calibrate and honor the voices of our internal defenders.

What eventually gets killed along with parts of me, is the infection.

If your system is strong enough, one can survive anything. Truth seems to render salve.

Was this a dormant virus just waiting to attack when my husband turned 50.... or just a tacky little germ that got picked up on a dirty grocery cart?....none of us are immune.